Pour Your Heart Out

Spotlight Blog: Absolutely Narcissism - Ladies, MUST READ!

I have been friends with R since I was in intermediate school (grade6) and he played a big role in my life he impacted it like no other. He became my "so-called" first boyfriend then. He changed my life going from strictly tomboyish to straight out feminine. I went from long pants that look like boys pants to mini skirts. I wasn't ideally enjoying it but eventually I did become a flat out little girl - getting nails done, secretly enjoying the LOOK of boys versus hanging OUT with the boys. I was beginning to be a little young lady. Well, our relationship wasn't really a relationship. He may refer me as his "ex" but - for me, I don't. Why you ask? Well for one thing - he's a jerk and secondly, he lied about WHO I was to everyone including the people who mattered most (his friends). He would take the photos of "my pretty friends" and label them "ME" so for many years, until I finally met some friends of his, I was someone else. I felt stupid because they kept "giving me the eye". But, eventually grew out of the fact that we were better off as "friends" instead of as a "couple". BUT, here's the thing, all of our mutual friends and a lot of his friends from HS believes he's got something secretly going on. He's very feminine and he hasn't had a girlfriend since ME. So, for years beyond years, I was "at fault" for him NOT finding a girlfriend because his sister thinks "I made him gay". Like, uhhh NOPE. Anyways, we did remain friends even after the off and on 7 years we "tried to work things out" when eventually I met Jon, my husband now. Jon and R were "family friends". Jon was more friends with R's brother. So, when Jon and I "suddenly" became an item everyone around us would "no longer be our friends" - as childish as that may sound. But, I think maybe 3 years into our relationship or maybe even 6 or 7 years later - only NOW people are discovering Jon&I is "us against the world" type of people. I married my best friend. R, kept his distance for years. When I first move with Jon, 3 months into our relationship, R and I use to still hang out being that we were literally 5 minutes away from each other. Until he moved. We stayed friends, R and Jon kept their distances. R's brother & Jon were never friends even up-to-day. Well, anyways... R and I, like I said remained really good friends. I literally, boxed up our past, and threw it in the bonfire (not literally like I did it; total dramatization, but in my mind - I did). And, so he and I ran a business together (as friends). I've always had the dream of running my photography business. It was mainly "photography" & "designing". I was one of the sole photographers AND web site developer..

Well, our "history" got in the way again. FOr the past month or so, his true colors came out. I'm relaxing; enjoying the last few months of my pregnancy taking the time to prepare for our baby to be born, no stress added. Well, I got a text one day saying "I'm not getting any participation on YOUR part".. like "screw you, I'm doing more than ANYONE in my condition SHOULD be doing". I literally should've said "take this company and shove it." but all I landed was "my family is more important" which it is.

Anyways, today - well yesterday, we literally GOT into. He called me a few names. He tells me I'm a bad mother. That I'll never grow up. And that, after being a mother I'm still the same ol' person I use to be "stubborn and naive". The words did sting, I ain't gonna lie, but FCK you to the world buddy! is what I'm saying. I was co-owner of the company, he tells me ONE thing and totally DOES the opposite. I told him I'll be on hiatus - like whoah dude, hiatus means TAKING A BREAK I should've sent him to the library! Anyways, I believe I lost a friend, I lost a business partner. But in the end, this shouldn't be a dream I'm experiencing with my EX or Business partner or FRIEND or whatever - it should be what I'm experiencing with MY HUSBAND. So, flat out made my decision. My "FRIEND" can suck it, grab the company by the horns, and F it. Meanwhile, I'm going to prepare for my son, enjoy my pregnancy, relax and do me, kick up my heels and straut my stuff. I will be back remind you. My friends, thankfully, have supported me. I've explained to them what happened. They agreed to help rally some clients for me. But in the end, KARMA may unfold on me - but so be it. This is MY dream, MY time to shine, but yet MY time to take care of what's more important - MY FAMILY!